The Cost of Not Asking

 

An old Japanese proverb teaches: “To ask is a momentary shame; not to ask is a lifetime of shame.” This wisdom reminds us that acknowledging our ignorance and asking questions may cause brief embarrassment, but avoiding questions out of fear means carrying that ignorance—and its consequences—for life. I can relate to this personally. In general, Japanese people have a strong sense of shame and tend to fear embarrassing themselves in public. There is a deep-rooted cultural tendency to be highly sensitive to how others perceive one’s words and actions. As a result, many prefer to conform to shared norms, finding comfort in behaving and speaking within socially accepted boundaries. Historically, Japan was an agricultural village society where harmony was essential for mutual support. Over time, traditional ethics and aesthetic values developed, emphasizing the importance of not inconveniencing others, avoiding conflict, and maintaining dignity. These values discouraged behavior that might attract ridicule or cause embarrassment. However, as the proverb suggests, excessive fear of embarrassment can cause us to miss valuable opportunities for growth and success. Looking back, I often struggled with this dilemma, especially in my 30s and 40s, when I was highly engaged in my work. Even now, in retirement, I continue to wrestle with the challenge of balancing personal growth with societal expectations—a silent force shaped over generations, but one I continue to question in my pursuit of a more authentic life.

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